If I may, I’d like to say a few short words about chocolate cake and sin— but mostly cake.
You know boxed cake? Like the kind that comes all prepared, you just add a few things and go? You know how it’s always good, but never really great? Yeah, I know. I mean, it’s alright, but never astounding. Well, I’ve discovered the solution to this little problem. It comes by way of non-traditional preparation.
I made a cake like this a few nights ago; it was gone within a few hours. The next day, I got ambitious and thought I’d try it again with some different ingredients. Well, it didn’t work. I overestimated the cake’s resilience against fresh berries. To my dismay, it collapsed and I had something that looked like a big soggy pancake.
After discovering my error, and the giant wasted cake, things started going wrong left and right or at least it seemed that way. Just little annoying things and it reminded me sort of the way sin works too. I don’t mean to trivialize sin by comparing it to cake preparation, but bear with me for a moment. It seemed to me that once I botched the cake, my consciousness slipped into some irritable state in which I began botching more things until I eventually just said “Agh!” and retreated to my bedroom where I sat quietly for some time while regaining a positive frame of mind. In the same way, one sin primes the heart and hands for more sins—at least that has been my experience. I suppose that’s why sin is such a dangerous thing and vastly more grievous that botching a cake. In fact, it might have been a stupid comparison, come to think of it. But it really was the first thing that came to mind.
In any case, I’m now going to give you the recipe for the best chocolate cake you’re ever going to eat. Just don’t botch it, like I did.
- Dark Chocolate Cake Mix
- 3.9 oz box of instant chocolate pudding
- 16 oz container of sour cream
- Three eggs
- ½ cup coffee liqueur
- 1/3 cup vegetable oil
- 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
- Preheat over to 350 degrees and grease your pan real good. I use a 10 inch bundt pan (you know, the kind that looks like a big donut) but you could probably use two smaller circle pans or a big square one.
- Mix all that crap together in a mixer, or by hand if you want. If you can’t get the coffee liqueur, you can probably just omit it or you could try using just regular sweetened coffee.
- Empty everything into your pan. The batter’s going to be thick, so get out a spatula. If you’re using the bundt pan, you can cook it for 1 hour. If you’re using a different kind of pan, cook for about 45 minutes, then test it with a toothpick. If it comes out clean, you’re good to go. Otherwise, give it some more time, then try again.
- Let the cake cool completely before you eat it. You don’t really need icing, but if you want to, more sugar can’t possibly hurt.